Dating Woes
by Dude13
Summary: In the midst of raising an eight year old along with a full time job, a certain caretaker's romance experiences have been turning out to be... less than satisfactory, to say the very least. [Four oneshot fics]
1. Dating Woes

ATTENTION! AUTHOR'S WARNING! PLEASE READ FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!

It's not bad, or anything, but before you guys get any further, I just want to strongly suggest that for all those for whom this is the first fic of mine you've ever read, I strongly suggest that you stop,now. It's not that bad, it's just that if you haven't read my other story, More Than My Friend, then you're probably not going to have a clue about why on earth Mac is now living at Foster's, why Frankie is looking after him as his "big sister" or why Wilt is going to be referred to as "Frankie's imaginary friend." Just want to make sure no one gets confused, that's all.

Okay, now since I got that all out of the way, WHOOPEE! My computer is actually allowing me to post this story as a separate fic! Hooray!

On a lesser note…I'm not sure how long this is going to last before my computer screws me over again and I'm forced to turn back to hybridized fics (tacking on new stories onto ones already uploaded onto the site.) Things already aren't looking that great, just three days ago when I was uploading the 90 finished story onto the computer, the devil-machine decided to inconveniently and randomly corrupt the floppy disk, which just happened to be the only thing I had saved the story to. Bleh, I had to rewrite the whole thing from scratch.

**Warning people! Please, for the love of God, make back-up copies of all of your stories! Trust me, it just might come in handy one day!**

Anyways, here we go, everyone! Another fic, comin' at ya!

Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

* * *

_SLAM!_

"AARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGH!"

Frances "Frankie" Foster screamed in frustration after she clacked into the foyer in her black high heels, slamming the door angrily behind her. Strapless black dress rustling about her, she wildly paced back and forth throughout the front hall in a futile effort to calm herself down, but to no avail. In a fit of uncontrollable fury, the young woman ripped her purse from her shoulders and hurled it to the ground, letting loose with an uncontrollable stream of curses.

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Son-of-a-bitch! That vile, no-good, low-down piece of s-"

Suddenly, her swearing session was interrupted by the squeak of basketball shoes as someone rushed to the scene of her distressed cries.

"What is it? What happened?" Wilt cried frantically as he skidded into the foyer. What…"

As soon as she spotted the look of deep concern on his face, Frankie quickly tried to calm herself down, frightened that she might accidentally verbally lash out in her fury. The anger and rage promptly drained from her face as she took deep, long breaths, only to be replaced by a worn-out, haggard frown.

"Frankie?" Wilt asked softly, cautiously edging his way towards her. "Frankie, are you ok-"

"The score is now officially Frankie _zero_, Unholy Alliance of Unimaginably Asshole Boyfriends, _five_." The girl grumbled wearily.

"Oh _no_." Wilt gasped, slapping his forehead in disbelief. "You mean…"

"I don't think Steve's gonna be coming around here anymore." Frankie whispered softly, vigorously rubbing her temples.

"Oh man…don't tell me it's all because…because you told him…"

Frankie shot him an annoyed glance. "What do you think, Einstein? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count." She snapped sarcastically.

"Frankie…I'm so sorry…" her lanky imaginary friend whispered sympathetically.

"Oh God…I don't believe it…" Frankie moaned, leaning heavily against the front door as she buried her face in her hands. As she let herself limply sink to the floor into a clumsy sitting position, Wilt was instantly by her side, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"Shhhh, it's okay Frankie…it's okay…" he tried to console her, but to little avail. Frankie just whimpered softly as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"No Wilt, it's not." Frankie groaned unhappily. "You should've seen it, this break-up was the worst one yet, the very worst." She whined.

"But…but…" Wilt stammered incredulously. "But I just don't get it! Steve seemed like such a nice guy! I thought that this time, he would be…he would…well, y'know…"

"I thought he'd be different, too." Frankie sighed painfully. "Oh God, and we were having _such_ a nice time tonight, too. We went to that nice little Italian place uptown…dinner was wonderful…we talked for hours…and hours…" she whispered with a weak smile before trailing off.

For a few minutes the pair just sat there in deafening silence, desperately trying to convey the dismaying turn of events that had occurred that night. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Wilt found the ability to speak again.

"So…when did you tell him?" he asked the melancholy girl gently.

"Right when we got home." Frankie exclaimed with a painful sigh. "It was just after we got out of the car. I thought that maybe since that would put four official dates under the belt, it would help out. It _didn't_." she concluded flatly.

"Still though, I just don't get it…"

"Well, what's not to get?" Frankie snapped irritably. "It's not like we haven't gone through this before!"

"But…"

"Wilt…_no one_ wants to date a girl who's already taking care of an eight-year-old kid." Frankie whispered dejectedly, right before an irrepressible sob escaped her throat. Immediately she threw her arms around the tall imaginary friend's neck and buried her neck into the soothingly soft fur of his shoulder.

"Frankie, don't cry…" Wilt said in a futile attempt to halt her gentle weeping, as he drew her close to him in a warm hug.

"Every time…every damn time…" the miserable young woman lamented sadly as she soaked his fur with her tears.

"It's okay…it's okay…" the lanky imaginary friend tried to console her.

"Oh God…it's always over the second I tell them about Mac…they always leave…_all_ of them…" she cried unhappily.

"Shhhh, it's alright, Frankie."

"I just wish…" she sniffled. "I just want…"

She was suddenly cut off as another harsh sob rang out through the foyer. Immediately the girl and imaginary friend withdrew their holds on each other, staring into the other's eyes in utter confusion.

"Frankie…how'd you _do_ that?" Wilt asked in disbelief. "That didn't even sound like it even came from you-"

"Wilt…that wasn't me." Frankie whispered softly in reply.

As soon as the joint realization came that they weren't alone, a loud gasp suddenly emitted from the stairway, immediately followed by the patter of small footsteps as someone raced off up the stairs. Wilt quickly fixed his gaze over to the stairwell, but it was no use; their mysterious spectator had long gone.

"What was _that_? Frankie, what was…uh, Frankie?" he asked worriedly, turning back to the girl in his arm.

Frankie just stared blankly out into nothingness, mouth hanging agape as the color drained from her face, only to leave a sickening white pallor adorning her visage.

"Oh no…he didn't…he did _not_ just hear…"

"Frankie?" Wilt inquired again concernedly. "Frankie, are you…"

Before he could finish however, Frankie suddenly tore herself from his embrace, hurriedly climbing back to her feet and shooting up the stairs, all the while muttering frantically under her breath.

"Oh no, oh no oh no, not him, not that, not here…not now…"

* * *

Desperately trying to hold back the tears that pooled up in his eyes, Mac raced headlong down the hallway, breath coming in ragged sobs as he dashed along. A few minutes later, he reached his destination and instantly dived into the relative safety of his room, hurriedly slamming the door behind him. The instant he made sure it was locked, the eight-year-old immediately threw himself onto his bed and buried his head his pillow, a futile attempt to try and muffle his hysterical bawling.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid…" Mac moaned unhappily as twin rivers of tears flooded down his face. How could he have been so blind? How could he have been so utterly foolish not to notice the blatantly obvious that was right in front of his face?

"All my fault…its all my fault…" he whimpered piteously before becoming completely overwhelmed by a hideous mixture of heart-wrenching grief and bitter guilt. The horrible truth had hit him like a two-ton pile of bricks, it was just too much for the little boy to bear. To actually think that all this time, these past few months, all of Frankie's attempts to try and find a nice young man for herself had all been ruined.

…All because of _him_. It was _he_ who completely ravaged every effort the young woman made in a heartbreaking effort struggle to find love.

"…_No one wants to date a girl who's already got an eight-year-old kid…"_

Frankie's words rang out clearly in his mind, stinging him more than any damage that could be inflicted by physical blow or man-made weapon. Never before in his life did Mac feel so guilty, so completely undeserving. All this time, it had been _him_ who bogged down Frankie so mercilessly like stone weights in water. These past few months, it was all because she had to take care of _him_ that her chances of finding a man to love had become so severely handicapped, all because he selfishly dragged her down like some god-awful _burden_.

Mac winced painfully as the word echoed throughout his mind. But out of all honesty, who was he kidding? There didn't seem to be any signs to point otherwise. Only a little over a year ago, Frankie didn't even know that he and Bloo even existed. Now, suddenly, she found herself landed with some random eight-year-old kid who she wasn't even related to, yet she was still forced to look after anyway like a single parent. It that wasn't a classical example of a horrible life-burden, than Mac had no idea what was.

The boy continued to weep unashamedly as he saturated his pillow with tears, his mind a whirl of confusion and misery. What else had Frankie been keeping from him? It would be foolish to think there wasn't anything else, there simply had to be more. There just had to be more ways in which he was unknowingly impeding the young woman he claimed to love as a big sister like a set of rusty manacles. But what else?

It probably didn't matter. He had heard everything she said downstairs, and that was more than enough than make him feel like his world was crashing around him. Tonight had probably made Frankie as exasperated and upset with her "unique" position as human endurance could possibly allow. Now that _she_ knew that _he_ knew, what was to happen now? Mac's eyes widened in unimaginable horror as he tried to comprehend the worst that could happen. What on earth was Frankie going to do now-

Mac suddenly squealed in surprise at the sudden sound of loud rapping upon his door.

"Mac? Pal?" Frankie rang out cautiously from the other side as she furtively jangled the locked doorknob. "Mac, are you-"

"Go away!" the child sobbed angrily, climbing into an upright sitting position.

"Mac, please." Frankie pleaded wearily. "C'mon, pal! I just want to-"

"No!" Mac snapped angrily.

The girl however refused to be swayed by his frantic refusals. "Mac, if you'd just-"

"Frankie, I told you, just go away!" Mac furiously sobbed.

An exasperated groan sounded out from the other side. "Mac Foster!" she yelled out sternly.

"You open the door this instant, mister, or else!"

"Oh yeah, what're you going to do about it?" the boy scoffed angrily. I'd like to see you try-"

Before he could finish, with an odd jangling noise the doorknob suddenly turned all the way, and almost immediately the door swung wide open, revealing a very annoyed-looking redhead with a large assortment of keys dangling in her hands.

"Nice try, pal." She said dryly, tossing them aside. "Now, if you'll just-"

"No, no, no!" Mac sobbed in terror as he rolled off his mattress and took cover behind it. Frankie groaned irritably as she marched over to the cowering child, clambering on top of his bed onto her hands and knees.

"Mac, c'mon! I just want-"

As soon as she reached out for him however, the eight-year-old just squeaked in fright as he hastily crawled under his bed and out of her grasp.

"_HEY_!" Frankie yelled as she made another feeble grab before he scrambled completely out of her reach.

"Mac, get out of there right this instant! I'm not kidding around, bucko!" she threatened fiercely.

"You can't make me!" came the furious muffled response.

Frankie gritted her teeth in annoyance, clenching her fists so tightly her knuckles turned a brilliant shade of white. She was losing her patience, _fast_.

"I swear, if you're not out from under there by the time I count to three…"

"No!"

"One…"

"Please, just leave me alone!"

"Two…"

"No! Don't!"

"Thr-"

"FRANKIE, PLEASE! I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT!" Mac suddenly wailed heartbreakingly. Immediately, after hearing this pathetic cry, Frankie's seething rage left her within an instant. A look of utter appall on her face, she drew up onto her knees on the bed and stared down dumbly in the direction of the concealed child below her.

"Sorry?" she asked softly, confused.

However, no reply came to her whispered inquiry. As seconds passed, Frankie instinctively became alarmed by the lack of response and quickly clambered off the bed and onto the floor.

"Mac?" she asked worriedly as she peered into the depths under the bed. "You okay?"

The sound of stifled sniffling suddenly caught her attention. Peering about wildly, it didn't take her long to spot Mac as he lay curled in a little ball of misery, hands wrapped around his head and eyes shut tightly, desperately trying to muffle his weeping.

"Oh no!" she cried, shocked by the pitiful sight. "C'mere, let me-"

As soon as she reached out towards him though, Mac immediately scooted out of her reach, whimpering like a frightened puppy. After making a few more futile tries, Frankie ceased her efforts and withdrew her arm with a groan.

"Mac, please." She pleaded gently. "I'm sorry for being angry earlier. It's just that I really wanted to talk with you, and why you didn't want to open your door I have no-"

Frankie however suddenly cut herself off, as she realized her apology was having no effect. Mac continued to lie curled in his little ball, as unresponsive as ever. Feeling helpless, Frankie toyed with her hoop bracelets as her mind raced furiously. Fortunately though, it didn't take long for it all to click inside her head.

"You're really upset about what I said downstairs, aren't you?" she whispered softly.

At this, Mac finally removed his hands from his face to glance dully in her direction with tearstained eyes. After what felt like an eternity, the child slowly began to nod his head in response.

"Did you hear everything?" Frankie asked him gently. Again, Mac replied with another silent affirmation.

"Do you wanna talk about it? Or are you just gonna stay there and have the dust bunnies listen to your problems?" Frankie tried to joke with a weak smile, struggling to ease the tension of the situation. Mac furrowed his brow as he went deep into contemplation, obviously unsure of what to do next.

"It's okay Mac, it's just your big sister. You can talk to me about it." Frankie reassured him gently, flashing a warm smile. The boy eyed her warily for a few seconds before finally he began to cautiously crawl his way towards her.

"That's it, pal, that's it." Frankie whispered encouragingly. "A little more…a little more…c'mon, almost there…there we go!" she cheered softly in celebration as he emerged from his dusty refuge. Immediately Frankie swept the child into her arms and sat herself on his bed, placing him gently on her lap. The instant she had settled herself, Mac immediately wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her shoulder, a fresh wave of tears pouring from his eyes.

"I'm s-sorry, I-I'm sorry…" he bawled unhappily, tiny body trembling uncontrollably in his grief. Stroking his head reassuringly, Frankie cocked her head in confusion at his sobbed apology.

"Mac, I still don't…"

"P-please, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean it…I didn't m-mean it…" he whined piteously.

"Mac…"

"I'm sorry about what happened tonight…and what happened with all the others…I'm so sorry…"

"Pal, I-"

"Don't be mad, Frankie…please, don't be mad at me…" Mac whispered, moments before overwhelming anguish reduced him to a sobbing little brown-haired bundle of absolute misery.

The pair passed the next few minutes in absolute quiet, the boy still unable to utter anything more than his pathetic squeaks of grief while Frankie continued to cradle him gently in her lap, still stroking his head comfortingly. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the girl broke the deafening silence with a somber whisper.

"I'm not angry at you, Mac." She said bluntly in a hushed tone. The weeping boy in her lap shook his head furiously in denial.

"Yes, y-yes you are…you're m-mad at me…Frankie, I'm so…"

"C'mon pal, don't…oh Mac, _I'm_ the one who should be sorry." She announced resolutely. At this Mac squinted up at her through red, puffy eyeballs.

"Huh?" he whimpered, confused.

"Oh, jeez…Mac, I'm so sorry." Frankie frowned unhappily. "I….I probably should've told you earlier, I really should! It was wrong for me to try and keep this from you…please, I never wanted you to find out this way…"

"Yeah, but aren't you still…" the boy sniffled, not quite ready to believe her confusion.

"Mac, listen to me. I'm _not_ mad at you for what happened tonight." Frankie whispered, ruffling his hair reassuringly.

"Yeah, but…but y-you said…" Mac tried in vain to protest, but to little avail. As he stammered uncontrollably, Frankie couldn't help but smile weakly at the perplexed child.

"Oh c'mon, pal…why should I be angry for something that's not your fault?" she chuckled softly.

Taken completely off guard by this, Mac just sat silently perched in her lap for the next few seconds, staring dumbly at the girl in utter befuddlement.

"But…b-but Steve a-a-and all the others…th-they all broke up with you…all b-because of…because of…"

He hung his head in shame. "Because of _me_." He whispered dejectedly.

Much to his surprise, Frankie just threw back her head and laughed. "And that's your fault because…" she giggled weakly with a hint of a curious grin.

"Well, you know…" the boy whimpered.

"Oh, what? Because _I_ made _myself_ your big sister?" the young woman joked.

"Wait…no…" Mac protested lamely.

"Or is it because _I_ took it upon _myself_ to look after you when your mom was too busy? Or when Terrence was being mean to you? Is that it?"

"No…it's because…uh, because..."

"No, no, I got it!" she joked, snapping her fingers. "It's all your fault because _I _was the one whodecided to adopt you and took you to live here at Foster's, isn't it? Is that it, Mac?"

Mac just scratched his head, the befuddled eight-year-old drawing a complete blank on how to respond. Frankie smiled warmly as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Mac, I think it's safe to say that it's _not_ your fault that what happened tonight happened." She laughed. "Nor was it your fault with my last boyfriend, or with all the others, either.

"You were so upset tonight though…" Mac managed to whisper in reply.

"Well, yeah I was." The girl admitted truthfully with a shrug of her shoulders. "But still, who said I was upset because of _you_?"

"Um…"

"Mac, the only reason I was upset was because I just had to break up with one more jerk who didn't have the guts to take the truth." Frankie explained. "If I'm frustrated, it's only because I haven't found the one guy who can take the simple fact that _you're_ my little brother, I'm your big sister, and I'm the one who looks after you. That's all."

"Still though…"

"You know what I have to say to Steve, and all those other guys?" Frankie asked with a smirk. Mac nodded warily.

"Uh, I guess…"

"Screw 'em." The girl put rather bluntly with a laugh, much to the boy's shock.

"What?"

"Yup, you head me. In fact, screw 'em all. If they don't like that I have you, then pal, I don't wanna deal with them at all. They either gotta accept you, or else I want them to get outta my sight."

"Y-you really think that?" Mac sniffled incredulously.

"Mac, do you really think I'm gonna abandon you or something, just so I can get a date?" she asked frankly. The boy tried to avert his glance away from her, feeling a little embarrassed.

"I…I don't…"

Frankie hugged the child closer to her. "Mac, no one said this whole thing was gonna be easy. Things are gonna get tough, and we just gotta stick together to face the bad along with the good. Just remember this, though." she smiled. "You're _not_ a burden on me, or anyone else here. It's just as I said before, you're my little brother, and I'm your big sister and that's _all_ you need to know, pal."

"But…"

Before Mac could protest, Frankie leaned in to plant an affectionate kiss on his forehead.

"If that's good enough for me, then it's gotta be good enough for you." She added softly.

"I…I…" the eight-year-old struggled in vain to respond.

"I love you, Mac." Frankie whispered into his ear with a grin. "That's all there is to it."

Mac just stared blankly at her for a few seconds, more desperate than even to utter a comprehensible response.

"Fra-"

He couldn't even say so much as her name before he was cut off by a harsh sob that ripped from his throat. Immediately Mac wrapped his arms around her neck he buried his head into the girl's shoulder, fresh tears gushing down the sides of his face. Frankie quickly responded by tightening her affectionate hold on him, whispering softly to calm the frazzled child.

"Shhhhh, its okay pal. It's okay. Shhhhh, it's alright."

"I'm s-sorry…" Mac whimpered pathetically between sobs.

"Shhhh, no need to, pal, no need. You just got a little confused tonight, Mac. That's all." Frankie warmly reassured him. Mac tried desperately tried to respond, but all he could utter was an incomprehensible whine.

"Don't you worry pal, it's alright." She laughed. "Everything's gonna be okay. I'm not gonna leave you or anything because my stupid date said so."

Mac removed his head momentarily from her shoulder to glance at her dully through puffy, tearstained eyes before managing to smile weakly. Frankie grinned warmly in response.

"That's right, Mac, that's right. Its okay, I'm not going to let anything bad like that happen to you."

"Frankie…I-"

"Besides," she suddenly added with the faint hint of a playful grin. "If I didn't have you, how much fun would tickle fights be all by myself?

"What?" Mac asked as he looked up again, confused by her queer statement.

"You heard me." The girl chuckled devilishly. As soon Mac saw the fiendish grin on her face, his eyes instantly bulged to the size of dinner plates in horror.

"Aaaaa! Wait, wait, no no no no-"

"Say goodbye to those tears, bucko." The girl just laughed, posing herself to spring into action.

"No, wait, don't-hahahahahaha!" Mac squealed in laughter as the crafty redhead swept him from her lap and pinned the boy to his bed, playfully assaulting him with everything she had.

"Acktph! Teeheehee! Stoppit, Frankie, stoppit! Whohahahahaha! Cutitout! Cutitout!" he laughed as he desperately tried to squirm from her tickly grip, all his previous woes forgotten in an instant.

"Gootchie gootchie goo!" Frankie giggled.

"Hahahaha! Quit it! Quit it! C'mon Frankie, just-"

"What's that?" the redhead replied, cocking her ear in his direction. "What'd you say? "More, please?" Weird, but if you say so!" she laughed as she intensified her efforts on the thrashing little boy.

"Noooo! Heeheehee! Stoppit! No more tickling! Go back to the mushy stuff, or whatever! J-just _something_! Ha ha ha!" Mac pleaded desperately between his laughter.

"Oooooh, that can easily be arranged! C'mere, you!" Frankie giggled as she swept him up into the air, assaulting his cheeks with a barrage of sloppy kisses.

"Ewwww! Grossgrossgross! I take it back! I take it back!" Mac protested as the girl dotted his face with splotches of scarlet lipstick. "Stoppit, Frankie! Stoppit!"

"Awww, why?" Frankie replied with a mischievous smirk. "But I just can't help it! I just wove my widdle brudder so vewy much! Frankiee-Wankie just woves her widdle Macky-Poo! Yes she does, yes she does!" she cooed in a sickeningly cutesy fashion as she nuzzled him affectionately. Mac stuck out his tongue in pure disgust.

"Yuck!" he grimaced. "Ew! No baby talk, you know I hate that! It's so gross!"

"What's wrong with your big sister talking about how much she woves her widdle brudder? I just wove you so much! Yes I do, I so wove my baby brudder so vewey much!" Frankie continued to coo with a fiendish grin, planting an extra-sloppy peck on his forehead.

"Ewwwwwwwww!" Mac whined piteously in repugnance to the girl's overly loving actions. "Stoppit, knock it off Frankie! Please!"

"What? Now you don't like _this_? Well, make up your mind that about what you want!" Frankie giggled before she plopped him back onto his mattress and immediately began to tickle his ribs furiously.

"Ack! Teeheeheehee! Not again!" Mac cried in despair as she re-entrapped him in her overpowering tickly hold. "Hahaha! No more, no more! Uncle! Uncle!"

"Not uncle, _big sister_!" Frankie jokingly corrected him. "And if you think I'm through with you…"

"Hahahaha! P-please! No more! No more! I-I think I'm gonna be sick!" Mac squealed as he thrashed about in her grip.

"EEEK!" Frankie shrieked in horror, well aware of whose joke it was to clean up such accidents. "Oh jeez, why didn't you _say_ so? Here-"

However, as soon as she withdrew from her assault, Mac immediately leapt to his feet and speedily clambered up onto her back with a squeak of victory.

"Aha, I got you now!" he cried triumphantly as he gripped her shoulders tightly. "You fall for that one every time!"

"Eek! No fair, you little sneak!" Frankie laughed as she tried to reach back and pull him off of her. "C'mere you little…"

"Wheeeeee! It's like a rodeo!" Mac whooped jokingly as his big sister got up and spun about comically in her effort to free herself of her tiny assailant. "Only thing is, I bet the bulls there probably smell better than you!" he added with a devilish grin.

"Hey!" Frankie cried indignantly. "This is my favorite perfume! Low blow, that was such a low blow! Oooooooh, its so on now, little man!"

With a triumphant cry she finally managed to peel Mac off her shoulders and without thinking twice eagerly began to grapple playfully with the little boy, not caring that she was still clad in her "fancy" attire. With a mock roar she tackled Mac onto the floor and the two immediately became deeply locked in fierce playful combat.

"Take this! And that! And a little of that!"

"Ha ha, when you're done trying to tickle me, then maybe you can start fighting your big sister like a man!"

"Hey, cut it out! That's it, now you're going down!"

"What's that matter, buddy? Afraid you're gonna to get your butt kicked by a girl-OW!"

"Hee hee! You were saying?"

"No fair, no fair! No pulling on the ponytail, the hair is totally off limits!"

"What's off limits? _This_?"

"OUCH! Oooooh, you're so asking for a one-way trip down the laundry chute, buster!"

"You gotta catch me first!" Ha ha-AAA! Put me down! Put me down! Sorrysorrysorrysorry…"

"You're so going down now-OW! Hey, what did I just say?"

"I think you just said "ow," if I remember right! Ha ha-WHOA! Leggo! Leggo of my leg!"

"That's it! No more Miss Nice Guy! Let's see how you like it…"

* * *

After playfully wrestling with each other for a good fifteen minutes, the pair had collapsed back onto Mac's bed, panting in exhaustion from their mischievous roughhousing. As he tried to catch his breath, Mac wearily rested his head comfortably against Frankie's stomach, while the young woman carelessly stared up at the ceiling as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through his chestnut-brown hair.

"Um, Frankie?" Mac asked cautiously, shooting a wary glance in her direction.

"What's on your mind, pal?" Frankie replied lazily, not caring to move her gaze.

"Uh…I dunno if I should be asking this or not, but…um…what exactly did happen after you told Steve tonight about…you know…" Mac fidgeted anxiously.

Frankie shut her eyes and sighed wearily. "I'll say this much, it wasn't pretty. While all the other guys just got kinda spooked when they found out about you, Steve, he just…well, he freaked out basically. After asking me if I was joking for a good five minutes, the guy just went totally nuts on me! He yelled at me for not telling him earlier, screamed at me about what the heck my deal was, shrieked why I was such a liar, a cheat, that and every name in the book. Just an uncontrollable splurge of mean, nasty stuff, things I'm probably not allowed to even repeat to you."

"I'm sorry…"

"Nah, it didn't do me any good when I kept all of this from you, it's probably for the best if I tell the truth. But I gotta admit, it doesn't get any better." Frankie moaned with a painful wince. "Just when I thought I heard the worst of it, he suddenly began going off about _you_. Who the heck you were, why I was wasting my time with you, and that's really all I can say before I need to get a professional censor if I wanna list half the stuff he yelled at me about you in the driveway."

Mac groaned ruefully upon hearing this. "I can't believe he got away with that…"

Frankie suddenly cut in with a sly chuckle. "Now who said that he actually got away with it?"

As soon as he heard this cryptic statement, Mac immediately shot up into a sitting position to give her a quizzical glance.

"Huh?"

The redheaded girl grinned fiendishly. "I'll be honest, ever since that "incident" with Dylan, I've _never_ gone out with another guy without a back-up plan…just in case he turns out to be a total jerk, you know. And boy, if I ever needed one…"

"Wait, so you…"

"Oh, _I'm_ not the one who got her hands dirty tonight." Frankie laughed with a crafty wink. "I have some "connections" who take care of that for me…"

"Connections? Who are you talking about-_oh no_!" Mac cried in horror as the answer came to him within an instant. The boy looked at the young woman with a look of utter disbelief.

"Frankie…don't tell me that you…you didn't really…"

Frankie shrugged. "Hey, no one says that kind of stuff about my little brother and gets away with it."

* * *

"Oooooooh…." Bloo gasped in awe as he sat on the TV room floor, staring intently at the car muffler that he cradled gently in his little arms. "So shiny…"

Mac just shook his head as he watched nearby from his seat on the couch. "I don't believe it, I just don't believe it."

"Huh?" Bloo asked innocently as he glanced away from his newfound treasure. "What'd you say?"

"I don't…I just can't believe that…she…and you…you actually…argh!" Mac groaned in exasperation, slumping wearily in his seat.

"What?" Bloo asked again, cocking his head. "What's not to get? Frankie had me wait in the bushes in case something really bad happened to her tonight, she and Steve came back, they got out and started yelling at each other, so while they were doing that, I took a couple of pieces from his car! What's not to get?" he inquired, acting like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Mac just stared at his imaginary friend blankly for a few seconds. "Okay, think about what you just said for a minute or two, and _then_ you tell me."

"Aw, c'mon, Mac!" Bloo protested. "It was all Frankie's idea! Besides it's not like I did anything wrong-"

"Bloo, you stole Steve's muffler right off his car!" Mac argued.

"Hey! Not stole…_borrowed_." Bloo corrected him in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You _borrowed_ his muffler?" Mac replied incredulously.

"And his font license plate, and a headlight, the spare tire, plus a dozen other things I couldn't even name." Wilt added as he entered the room, carrying a large bowl of popcorn. "I guess you didn't see the pile near the front door yet." He stated calmly as he sat down, as if there was nothing wrong with the words that just came out of his mouth.

Mac's jaw dropped as his eyes bulged in disbelief. "He…he took…"

"Oh yeah, and three out of four hubcaps." The lanky imaginary friend corrected himself as he passed the bowl to Mac. "You want some popcorn?"

"You _guys_!" Mac yelled frantically. "Do you have any idea of what just happened? For the love of God! When Steve finds out part of his car is missing-"

"-Then if he knows what's good for him, he won't come back here for a long time." Frankie finished his sentence for him as she plodded into the room, clad in simple black T-shirt and gray sweatpants.

"Good job tonight, Bloo." She complimented the little ghost-shaped imaginary friend as she casually dropped a bag of candy in his lap as she passed by.

"Heehee! All right!" Bloo cheered as he greedily hugged his well-earned reward close to himself. Meanwhile, Frankie calmly plopped herself between her imaginary friend and little brother, a smug grin adorning her face.

"Well, I think it's safe to say everything worked out in the end." She chuckled with a fiendish smile.

"WHAT?" Mac cried skeptically. "Frankie, you ordered Bloo to totally trash your ex-boyfriend's car! He's-"

"-Not gonna want to cross my path again any time soon." Frankie again finished his sentence for him. Mac cocked his head, confused.

"Okay, hold on a sec…"

"Mac, let's just say he learned a valuable lesson about ticking me off. Or to be more specific, one that he's probably gonna remember every time her sits down for the next week." She laughed as she dug into her sweatpants pocket.

"Frankie I still don't…get…what the…"

Mac trailed off as he stared in disbelief at the torn piece of white fabric and elastic Frankie clutched in her hands, holding it up high for all those present to see.

"_Ewwwww_." Was all the boy could mange to say, sticking out his tongue in repugnance.

"Ouch." Bloo flinched, rubbing his rear. "That _had_ to hurt."

"Frankie, don't tell me that you actually…" a stunned Wilt tried to stammer out.

The redhead blushed a bit as she fidgeted with the shred of underwear in her hands nervously.

"Well…he was saying some really nasty stuff about Mac…so I got a little angry…"

"Excuse me? A _little_ angry?" Wilt asked with a hint of distrust in his voice.

"Yuck, do you really have to carry that thing around?" Mac whined in disgust.

"Hey, c'mon!" Frankie protested. "It's not like I was looking forward to taking home a chunk of his undergarment! It just ripped after I got it over his head and-"

Immediately all three listening winced painfully as the awful image of her dealing out such savage retribution entered their minds. Noticing their discomfort, Frankie quickly silenced herself as her blush deepened.

"Um…sorry?" she whispered bashfully.

"Remind me not to wear underwear around you when you get angry." Bloo said warily.

"Uh, movie anyone?" Wilt blurted out as he grabbed for the remote, eager to steer the conversation in a different direction. Frankie sighed in relief as the attention was turned away from her.

"Yeah, a flick would sound pretty nice right now, right Mac?"

"Uh, yeah…sure." Mac replied warily as he tried to scoot away from the redheaded young woman.

"Oh no you don't!" Frankie laughed, wrapping an arm around him and dragging him back to her side. "Wilt, what's playing tonight?"

The lanky imaginary friend held up the TV guide with a grin. "A real goodie. _The Bloodsucking Mutant Vampire Zombies, Part IV._"

"Yes, totally low-budget and cheesy _and_ super-gory! Count me in!" Bloo whooped, eagerly clambering up on the couch with all the others. "Hey Wilt, could you pass the pop-"

"Miss Frances? Miss Frances!" a prim, heavily British accented voice suddenly called out, interrupting the movie viewers. Moments later, a large, finely attired rabbit entered the room with a dignified hop.

"Ah, there you are, Miss Frances!" Mr. Herriman nodded curtly at the young woman. Frankie groaned as she reached for a handful of popcorn.

"What is it now, Mr. H?" she sighed in exasperation.

"I'm quite sorry about the intrusion on your cinematic get-together, but before you do any such movie-viewing, there is an urgent matter in which you simply must inform me with to the best extent of your knowledge."

"And that is…" Frankie grumbled.

"Why on earth is there a clutter of assorted automobile parts lying on the floor of the foyer?" the rabbit asked quite bluntly. At this inquiry, Frankie's eyes suddenly widened as she immediately began to stutter nervously, desperately trying to find a somewhat believable excuse.

"Ummmm, well you see, uh…I was…er…y'know, we…uh, that is to say that…that…uh…" she babbled, the normally resourceful girl drawing a complete blank.

"Er…they're, uhhhhh…spare parts for…the Foster's bus?" Mac suggested lamely. "Uh, we bought them today because…um…you can never be too, er…careful?" he finished apprehensively.

Mr. Herriman glared at the pair for a few moments before he began to nod vigorously in response, as a large smile plastered itself across his aged features.

"Oh, excellent! Simply wonderful! Preparedness, that's exactly what I like to see in my staff! Excellent job, excellent job!" he beamed. "Miss Frances, was this fantastic example of foresight all on the part of Master Mac?"

"Um…" Frankie continued to stammer as she anxiously toyed with her ponytail. "Well, Mac did have a pretty big role in it, I guess…"

"Fantastic! Simply fantastic! Well-done, Master Mac!" Mr. Herriman continued to gush ecstatically in admiration of the eight-year-old. "Miss Frances, you should consider yourself lucky for having such a fine specimen of reason around the house."

"Yeah." Frankie grinned, reaching beside her to draw the child close to her in a warm embrace. Mac blushed as she wrapped her arms about him, returning her hug as his big sister nuzzled him affectionately.

"I am lucky." She whispered happily. "I really am."

**The End**

* * *

Well, what'd you guys think? Be honest, I'm not gonna bite if you tell me you didn't like it too much. No flames though, please!

I gotta admit, maybe it was all too random to throw in the part about Bloo taking apart Frankie's ex-boyfriend's car. I couldn't help myself, though. I just saw "Crime After Crime", and the idea of Bloo being so adept at trashing motor vehicles just stuck with me while I was rewriting this story this morning.

Also, maybe I overloaded it with too much fluff between Mac and Frankie, but I don't think I can help that either, they're just an adorable pair! (Coming out of the mouth of the senior at the all-boy's high school no assumptions please, I'm there almost entirely on merit scholarship, plus it's actually a lot better than people think it would be, but I digress…anyway, God, help me). Oh yeah, if I could also get some divine intervention to help my with chemistry…that'd be nice too…

Blech, I kinda just went off there, didn't I? Oh geez, I'm gonna wrap this up now before I get set off on another random tangent. Okay, thanks for reading, everyone! Please review!

-Dude13


	2. Making the Best of It

Hi everyone, I'm back again! I really wasn't planning on making this a two-part fic originally (which it's really not, it's basically two one-shots being put together). But this idea just popped into my head, so of course, when inspiration strikes, to work I go! It's kinda weird, I'll admit, but I'm not gonna lie, I had a lot of fun writing this. But enough about what I have to say, I wanna know what _you _guys think! You all know what to do! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Foster's Home Imaginary Friends

* * *

Making the Best of It

_(Another short story by Dude 13)_

"WHY ME?" the aggravated-looking, redheaded young woman implored miserably as she stormed into the restaurant bathroom.

Judging by her location, plus the nice white sweater, brown skirt and matching knee-high boots she was finely attired in, it was clear that the frustrated girl was there supposedly on a "nice" night out with presumably a handsome young suitor. Unfortunately though, as shown by her fiercely gritted teeth, tightly clenched fists, and uncontrollable swearing, it was quite obvious Frances "Frankie" Foster was having anything _but_ a magical evening of romance. Pacing about back and forth across the tile floor, she threw up her arms in hysterics as she launched into a furious tirade.

"Go for it Frankie, it's _just_ a blind date. C'mon Frankie, what could go _wrong_? It's okay Frankie, my friend said Nick's _such _a sweet guy." Frankie sneered sarcastically to herself. "Real sweet guy….pfft! Yeah right, thanks a lot Kathy! More like the most arrogant blowhard I've ever met in my life! Conceited jerk, act's like he's such hot stuff…calls me "babe" at every chance he gets…won't shut the hell up about the one season he played for his college football team…and for the love of God, _why_ does he have that weird _smell_? AUGH!" she yelled in exasperation, not caring who heard her.

"And I swear, if he brings up _one_ more story about his sleazy bar exploits with his dimwit pals, I'll…I'll…"

Not bothering to finish with her threat, Frankie dropped her purse and rushed over to the sink. Turning on the faucet, she immediately began to splash cold water against her face, hoping desperately that it's frigidity would snap some sense back into her and settle her badly-frazzled nerves.

"It's okay Frankie, it's okay." She reassured herself fervently as she glanced at her haggard reflection in the mirror. "You can do this! Don't lose it now girl, you can get through this! You can…do…"

Unfortunately, this slapdash confidence booster failed miserably to alleviate her fears about surviving the night. Emitting a pitiful groan, Frankie leaned her forehead against the mirror as she continued the dramatic struggle to regain a sense of composure.

A blind date…either she had sunk to rock bottom, or she was merely continuing to suffer through an incomprehensible amount of bad luck on the dating scene. What in the world made her think that _this_ would be a good idea? Letting herself get set up on this through her friend with a guy Kathy didn't even know? If she could, Frankie would've kicked herself repeatedly until kingdom come. Now here she was, trapped at some random Japanese restaurant, four miles out of town and altogether ten miles from home, while all the while the date from hell waited for her back at the table.

Frankie cursed once more under her breath. She knew things weren't going to turn out well the second Nick's car had pulled up to Foster's. When she picked up that weird sense that something was a little off about him, she should've gone with her gut instinct and fled right back into the safety of her house. Unfortunately, she had missed her one chance to escape, and since then things had gone completely downhill since then, Nick turning out to be one of the slimiest, most loathsome men she even had the displeasure to meet. Frankie had only known him for an hour, and already she felt as if she could compile a list of all his despicable qualities over a mile long. His overwhelming arrogance, his disgustingly crude sense of humor, his insistence on calling her nauseating nicknames…and that was barely scratching the surface. She thought that was all bad, but sadly, the worst had yet to come. Frankie moaned as she shut her eyes and remembered back to less than fifteen minutes before.

"_Nick, I have a little brother, see, and well, I-"_

"_Oh, no problemo, babe! I have a kid sister of my own, y'know."_

"_No, no, wait! You don't understand, he-"_

"_Yeah, they can be a real pain, can't they? Ha ha! Okay, so where was ? Oh yeah, so there I was __with my pals, Ed and Tom. We were about to take the twenty-one shot challenge together, and then, get this, you'll love it…"_

Frankie desperation was complete. Her situation had gotten so utterly despicable she did the unthinkable. Not even halfway through dinner, she had tried to blurt out the one unique facet about her that had so far successfully driven away every man she had dated for the past few months…until _now_. Sadly for her, Frankie was simply trapped in a dating nightmare that was getting worse and more horrific by the second. The one possible thing she had left, the one special fact about her that until this very moment she had never considered to try and use in her favor, had _failed_. Nick had brushed it all aside within an instant, and before she had the chance to get any further, he just continued on blabbing about his stupid bar hopping exploits. In was set in stone, he was absolutely unstoppable and this had officially become one of the worst nights of her life. Was there nothing that she could-

Frankie's thoughts suddenly became scattered at the sound of a shrill ring-tone. Without even thinking, she picked up her purse, dug out her cell-phone, and lifted it to her ear with a bitter snarl.

"Yeah, what is it?" she snapped irritably.

Dead silence was all that could be heard from the other line. Just before Frankie was about to let loose with an aggravated swear however, a very familiar voice finally piped up softly.

"Uh…Frankie?" Mac asked softly.

"Oh, Mac!" the redhead gasped in relief at the sound of her "little brother's" voice, all her previous rage instantly draining away.

"Frankie, I'm so sorry about bothering you like this," Mac apologized profusely. "I'm gonna try and make this real quick though, ok? Could you please…"

"Oh God Mac, it's _terrible_!" Frankie blurted out uncontrollably into her phone.

"Wait, what?" came the confused reply. "Wait, Frankie, what are-"

"He's so arrogant…won't shut up about…that smell, that awful smell….just what is that?" Frankie babbled uncontrollably, unable to speak in anything more than barely comprehensible fragments. "Calls me…won't stop calling me ba-…biggest gutter mouth I ever…and he's…unstoppable! So unstoppable! Won't even…didn't care that…didn't even flinch when I…I…"

Her chaotic rant came to a halt as Frankie trailed off. As she paused to catch her breath after her frenzied outburst, all that could be heard again from the other line was another period of dead, awkward silence. Finally though, after what felt life an eternity,

"Ummmm, Frankie?" Mac whispered, his voice now thick with caution and bewilderment. "Do you think you could, uh, y'know, er…do you know where my jacket is? I can't find it anywhere."

"Oh…oh! Right! Um, your jacket? Yeah, um…I think it's in one of the dryers, so maybe you should…wait, no! Actually, I think I hung it up in your closet after it was dried. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's in there." Frankie replied dumbly.

"Oh. Okay, thanks." Mac dutifully thanked her in compliance. After another five-second pause, he asked warily,

"Uh, I didn't exactly catch what you were saying before. "Are you okay, Frankie?"

Frankie just sighed painfully as she wearily leaned against a nearby stall. "No, no, it's alright. Never mind, Mac, I'll be fine. I'll see you when I get back home, ok?"

"Yeah, sure. Bye, Frankie!"

"Bye, pal. See you later." She murmured somberly in reply. With another exasperated groan, Frankie gathered up her purse and plodded towards the restroom door, muttering darkly under her breath.

"That is unless I don't try and stab myself with my chopsticks first."

* * *

"…I'm telling you guys, she sounded really upset." Mac complained glumly, as he sat around a board game in Foster's spacious living room, along with three assorted imaginary friends. 

"Coco cococo?" Coco squawked worriedly in her bizarre lingo.

Mac shook his head as he began to shake a pair of dice. "No, it wasn't just me, Frankie really sounded like she was having a bad time tonight."

"Oh no! You don't think…" Wilt partially suggested before he quickly clamped a spindly hand over his mouth. Mac shot the lanky imaginary friend a quizzical look.

"You don't think what?" the boy asked with a hint of suspicion in his voice. Sighing heavily, the supernaturally polite Wilt had no choice but to answer.

"Well, Frankie's last couple of dates didn't turn out too well either, and every one of those ended badly because…well…I'm sorry Mac, but you know…"

"Hold on," Mac suddenly cut him off as he released the dice from his hands into the game board. "Seven!"

"Oh no!" Bloo cried in horror, waving his little blue arms wildly in the air. "You sunk my battleship!"

As Wilt and Coco shot the little imaginary friend a pair of confused stares, Mac sighed heavily in exasperation as he rolled his eyes.

"Bloo, for the fourth time, we're playing _Monopoly_." He groaned as he moved his game piece.

"Oh, yeah. Um, I knew that! What do you think I am, stupid?" his imaginary friend snapped in reply. "Aha! Baltic Avenue! Payday, baby! Whoo!"

"So anyway," Mac turned back to Wilt as he handed over the proper sum of fake money. "Well, yeah, I know _that_. That's not a big deal with me anymore. But actually, that's kind of what's got me worried in the first place."

Wilt cocked his head in confusing. "Sorry Mac, but you lost me there."

"Coco!" the part bird, part plant, part plane imaginary friend chirped in agreement.

"Well, it's sort of tough to explain. It's just that when Frankie was talking to me, she was sounding really freaked-out and kind of desperate. I mean, when I asked her how it was going, she just kinda went off, and even though I really didn't understand most of what she said…"

"Yeah?"

"…Um…from what I got, I think by the time I called her, she had _already_ told her date about me." He put rather innocently.

"Oh man…" Wilt gasped, clapping a hand to his forehead. Coco responded in an equally surprised manner, drawing in a sharp intake of breath.

Bloo however didn't quite understand the urgency of the situation. "What's the big deal? So Frankie's finally found a guy who doesn't care that she has to look after you. Look, I really don't see what's so bad-"

"You don't see what's so bad?" Mac cried frantically, throwing his arms up in the air. "Look, just because he cares about me doesn't automatically mean that Frankie's gonna-"

"She's not really too fond of this guy, is he?" Wilt asked gently. The eight-year-old sighed painfully.

"Not just that. Like I said, I didn't exactly understand what she told me, but she sounded really, _really_ desperate. I think she wants out of this relationship, _fast_."

"Pfft! I still don't see what's the problem!" Bloo scoffed. "So it's just another date gone down the toilet, who cares? When they come back, I'll just hide in the bushes with a hammer, and-"

"Bloo, you can't solve every problem by taking apart the car of every guy Frankie comes into contact with!" Mac snapped irritably at his best friend.

"Oh…right, uh, "take apart his car"…sure…" Bloo laughed nervously. Mac just stared blankly at the apprehensive imaginary friend for a second before shaking his head wearily.

"I don't wanna know, I really don't wanna know…" he muttered ruefully under his breath.

"Coco coco co cococo!" Coco suddenly stood up and squawked excitedly. At this suggestion Wilt immediately smiled warmly and nodded in assent.

"Hey, yeah! Mac, we don't need to try and think of something up. Frankie can just take care of this herself, she doesn't need our help. When her date drops her off, she'll just tell him that she doesn't-"

"But…but…" Mac immediately protested, not completely convinced. "But we don't know that that'll work for sure! I mean, this guy is supposedly completely fine with me, yet Frankie sounded like she was the worst time of her life! It just doesn't seem right, that's all." He grumbled, folding his arms in a huff.

"Okay, Mr. Smartypants. What do you think we should do?" Bloo asked dryly.

"I don't…I…well, we could…no, wait…"

After stammering for a good minute or so, Mac suddenly rose to his feet and began to make a beeline for the door.

"I don't know…I just don't know." He said somberly as he exited into the hallway. As Wilt and Coco worriedly watched the child leave in such a pathetic fashion, Bloo focused his attention back to the game as he grabbed for the dice.

"Okay, my turn now!" he whooped excitedly. "C'mon Lady Luck, show me what you got!"

With that he hurled the dice upon the board, revealing a pair of threes.

"Yessss!" the little imaginary friend cheered ecstatically, pumping his fist wildly. "Two threes! Alright, that's a double word score!"

Laughing fiendishly in delight, Bloo seemed to pull a little sack out of nowhere from which he enthusiastically began to unload a pile Scrabble tiles onto the board.

"Hey, hey! Monopoly, Bloo, for the last time! _Monopoly_!" Wilt cried as he made a desperate dive to save his hotels on Illinois Avenue.

"Coco! Cococo!"

* * *

Murmuring ruefully under his breath, Mac plodded out into the foyer, pausing to stare outside one of the windows overlooking the front lawn and trying to get his thoughts together. 

He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. The child couldn't help it, but unfortunately, he held a dark suspicion that they were dealing with a complete sleazeball here. Why else would Frankie be panicking wildly that he didn't care she held legal custody of an eight-year-old kid? She hadn't brought that up out of pure honesty, though. She told the truth as part of a desperate chance to escape.

Unfortunately, from what Mac understood, that attempt had been made completely in vain. It didn't matter whether he brushed it off or ignored it entirely, this guy had probably reacted the way Mac thought he reacted for a reason, a reason that made the child feel a bit queasy when he tried to think about it. This guy wasn't stopping at anything, he had his eyes in the prize and he wasn't going to let anything get in his way.

Mac groaned wearily. For the first time in his life, he desperately wished that Frankie's date would reject her like all the others, all because the young woman had to take care of her "little brother." But if that wasn't going to scare him off, what possibly could make him keep his distance? Mac in no way wanted to do something to harm the young man, he just wanted to chase him off. But how? If the guy didn't care that Frankie had a "little brother to look after, then what in the world could frighten him away? What was possibly worse than-

Mac's train of though came to a crashing halt as an idea suddenly popped into his mind. After thinking furiously about it for a few moments, a mischievous smirk began to makes it's appearance as the boy sniggered fiendishly to himself.

"Okay, so he doesn't care that Frankie has a little brother. Fine! But let's just see what he does what he finds out what _else_ she has…"

With a devilish snicker, Mac sauntered off upstairs to his bedroom. It looked like he had a lot of rehearsing to accomplish if this was going to be done _right_.

* * *

"Here we are, babe! Nine o'clock and you're back at home, just as promised!" Nick announced with a stupid grin, as if he expected to be showered with praise for this simple task. 

Rather than remind him that he had actually promised to have her back at Foster's by eight, Frankie only nodded furiously as she made a mad grab for the door handle, a frighteningly forced smile smeared across her features.

"Ha ha, well thanks a lot I really had a nice time but I guess I better get going so good night!" she babbled uncontrollably as she grappled furiously with her door, wanting nothing more than to flee into the refuge of her home as soon as possible.

"Aw, what's the matter babe?" Nick laughed as he placed a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture, despite the fact it only made the frantic young woman flinch in disgust. "Stuck door?"

After making a few more feeble attempts to free herself, Frankie finally ceased her efforts and slumped wearily in her seat.

"Yes." She whimpered unhappily.

"Well what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't give my lady a helping hand? Hold on, I think I can get it from the outside." Her date chuckled as he climbed out of the vehicle and began to make his way to her side.

Her heart pounding wildly in her chest, Frankie wrung her hands nervously as her mind became a chaotic frenzy of bitter anger and panic.

_Ooooooh, that slimy jerk!_ She cursed mentally to herself. _Stuck door my ass! I was able to get out through it perfectly fine when we arrived at the restaurant! The scumbag kept it locked on purpose, I just know it!_

Frankie's wildly beating heart only seemed to double in speed as the object of her loathing and fear arrived at her side. After flashing her an arrogant smile, he rubbed his hands together and began to make a great show of effort as he "pulled" furiously at the "jammed" door.

_Yeah right, buddy, I'm not falling for it! Oh God, what am I going to do? Should I just run? Do I just try and talk my way out of it? Am I gonna have to force my way by? For Pete's sake, I don't want to punch out a guy just to get into my own home! What do I do? What do I do? Oh God, oh God, oh God…_

As her mind became a whirlpool of turmoil and confusion, Nick finally let the door open with a grunt.

"Argh! Oh yeah, there we go! Good thing I've been working out, haven't I? You could've been stuck in there all night!" he cracked lamely in a pathetic attempt to show off his strength and sense of humor.

"Heh heh, um, yeah, sure." Frankie forced herself to chuckle weakly in response. "Well thanks a lot! Now since we got that out of the way, why don't I just-"

Nick only continued to smirk stupidly as he held out his hand, or rather practically shoved it in her face. Trying her hardest not to gag in disgust, Frankie forced herself to grab onto it and allow herself to be "helped" up from her seat.

"There we go, baby-doll! All set! Now how about-"

"Okay, thanks for everything I'll give you a call sometime well goodnight!" Frankie blurted the second her feet came in contact as she attempted to make a mad dash through the gated entrance into Foster's, left open specifically just for her. Unfortunately through, her frenzied push to escape only got her a few feet before Nick easily pulled her back to him like a yo-yo with a swift tug.

"Now where do you think you're going, honey?" he purred as he stroked her hair. Recoiling slightly, Frankie reapplied on her forced smile one final time in a last-ditch effort to solve her dilemma peacefully.

"Nick, I'm actually not feeling too well, I think I should-"

"Oh man, you mean you can't even stay a few minutes to "talk?" C'mon, babe." He laughed, giving her a wink. Frankie quickly had to bite down on her lip in response, desperately trying to suppress the swift urge to shriek at the top of her lungs and gag violently at the exact same time.

"Please Nick, I just want to-" she continued to plead desperately, her body quivering in impatience.

"Are sure, Frankie pie? Just stay a little longer, that's all I ask." Nick said as he tried to flash her a reassuring smile, which actually made him resemble a preying shark more than anything. At this Frankie clamped down on her purse furiously, using every bit of willpower she had to restrain herself from letting fly with a swift punch to his gut. She had to get out, _fast, _or this was about to get_ really _ugly.

"Nick, please!" she implored desperately. "I just want to-"

Before she could get any further, the pair was suddenly roughly interrupted as the front doors of the old Victorian mansion burst open, letting loose a little brown-haired blur who blasted outside like a miniature cannonball. Leaping down the porch stairs in one dazzling leap, Mac hit they ground running the instant his feet came in contact with the cement walkway. Giggling uncontrollably, arms open wide and a ridiculously happy smile plastered across his features, the child dashed headlong towards the couple at a dizzying pace that would've left children twice his age in the dust.

Starring dumbly in befuddlement at the mysterious child racing towards them, very much in the manner of a deer staring at a set of headlights, Nick managed to shoot Frankie a very confused glance.

"Uh…babe? Who the hell is _that_?" he asked quite bluntly.

Frankie, however, failed completely to reply to his grunted inquiry. Instead, she too just stared stupidly at Mac as the eight-year-old continued his way in their direction, face distorted in complete befuddlement as she frantically tried to figure out exactly what was going on.

"Mac…?" She whispered under her breath to herself in total disbelief at the boy's outrageously confusing behavior. "What on earth are you…"

"MOMMY!" Mac squealed in delight as he came to an instant halt, wrapping his little arms around the lanky redhead's legs in a warm hug. Giggling uncontrollably like an overexcited toddler, he glanced up into a very surprised Frankie's eyes adoringly.

"How was your date, Mommy? Huh? Did you have a nice night? Did you? Did you bring anything home for me? Did you, Mommy?" the eight-year-old gushed ecstatically, clamping onto the girl like a magnet on a refrigerator. "Oh, Mommy!" he cried happily in a sickeningly cutesy manner.

As his tenaciously loving hold on her grew tighter by the moment, an intensely stunned Frankie wobbled back and forth as she struggled to keep her balance under Mac's vice-like embrace on her. At the same time, she tried furiously to gather her scattered thoughts together, Mac's words throwing her completely of guard and perplexing her to the fullest extent possible. As the boy continued to cuddle her legs contentedly, emitting little squeaks of joy, Frankie blushed a deep crimson in mortified embarrassment.

"Mac…please…what are you…why…what do you think you're…" she struggled furiously to comprehend the bizarre turn of events, but it was of no use. The baffled young woman could utter little more than nonsensical sentence fragments, putting her in a rather humiliating condition that only caused her to darken her blush.

"Nick…oh my God…I'm so sorry…" she mumbled a stuttered apology as she frantically tried to remove Mac from her, despite the fact it was the basic equivalent of trying to force an oak tree out of the ground by hand. "Please, I don't know what on earth has gotten…into…"

Frankie trailed off as she glanced back to her date. "Uh, Nick?" she whispered worriedly. "You okay?"

It was an unusual sight that met her glance. Standing stock still, his face suddenly a sickeningly pale white, Nick resembled a grotesque statue as he stared wordlessly at Mac with eyes that looked like they were ready to bulge out of their sockets. Only after a few moments of this shock-induced paralysis though, the young man's limply hanging jaw began to move as he made an effort to speak. His first few efforts only ended in queer, barely audible gasping squeaks, but finally, after at least a minute of pathetic attempts, Nick managed to finally choke out a semi-comprehensible message to his not-as-quite stunned date.

"Frankie…did he just…did he…he didn't…oh God…he did, didn't he…" he stuttered uncontrollably. Still blushing furiously, Frankie struggled to answer, but all she could come up with was an equally unintelligible response.

"I don't know what…well, I…he…I tried to tell…" she stammered fervently. Raising a badly quivering arm, Nick pointed accusingly at the frazzled young woman.

"You…you hid this…you hid this all from me…" he whispered in disbelief at Frankie's stuttered excuse. "Why didn't you tell me that you had-"

Unfortunately, he was unable to utter a single word more when the unthinkable was emitted from Mac's mouth.

"Mommy, is he going to be my new _daddy_?" he asked with all the innocence of a young child.

That was it.

Desperately trying to stifle a scream of unfathomable horror, the mortified young man immediately whirled about and dashed to his car as if he was fleeing the Devil himself rather than a twenty-two-year-old young woman an eight-year-old boy. His breath coming in ragged sobs, the panic-stricken Nick didn't even pause to open his car door, choosing instead to make a desperate dive through a rolled-down window in his blind terror. Only moments after clambering frantically into the driver's seat, the ignition started up and with the screech of tires the car blasted off down the road, traveling as fast as the engine's capacity allowed it to go.

It had been the work of a matter of mere seconds. In less than a moment, Frankie and Mac were left all alone in the gateway of Foster's, staring jointly down the street in the direction in which the terrified young man had just made a mad retreat. Finally though, after a few moments of dead silence, Frankie slowly lowered her head to peer down at the child still clinging tightly to her legs.

"Mac…" she whispered in compete awe. "You just…I can't believe you…"

Upon seeing the utterly stunned look upon her features, Mac immediately wiped away his phony smile and quickly withdrew from his hold on his big sister. After cautiously backing away a few steps, he grinned nervously as he scuffed the ground with his sneaker.

"Well…you seemed so upset over the phone…and you already said that he didn't care that…so I…" he tried to stammer out an excuse.

"Pal…I don't know what to say…"

"Since you're at a loss for words, then may _I_ have a word with the miscreant?" someone suddenly demanded sternly with a thick British accent. Quickly both boy and girl glanced up in unison to meet eye to eye with a very grim-looking Mr. Herriman, hurriedly hopping his way towards them while muttering fervently under his breath.

"Never in all my years would I have expected it…such an outrage…oooh, if you think you can get away with this…" he grumbled angrily.

"Um, excuse me?" Mac asked as innocently as possible, instinctively scooting back to Frankie's side.

"Do you take me for a fool?" Mr. Herriman barked irritably as he came to a sudden halt, his outburst causing the boy to flinch slightly. "If you think you can try and sway me with such a feeble attempt at feigning guiltlessness, then you're quite mistaken, you rascal!"

"Mr. Herriman., wait…" a still-disorientated Frankie tried to speak up, but she was quickly cut off with a wave of a gloved hand.

"Although I appreciate your attempt, there is absolutely no need to explain what happened here, Miss Frances." Mr. Herriman replied with a furious shake of his head before he appointed accusingly at Mac.

"I saw the entire thing from an upstairs window!" he announced bitterly. "Master Mac, there is no way in which you can convince me that the misdeed which took place here but a minute ago was not of your own doing!"

"Mr. Herriman, please!" Mac tried to plead, but it was of little avail. The aggravated rabbit simply continued with the verbal lashing, striking out with everything he had both as furiously yet as eloquently as possible.

"Master Mac, I'm shocked!" he yelled in an appalled manner. "To think that you were but a model of perfect obedience and reasoning! Yet while on my way downstairs to the library, it is _you _that I spot red-handed committing an act of abominable atrociousness! Oh my word, how could you?" he demanded, glaring angrily at the boy. Not expecting to receive such harsh treatment, Mac quickly wilted under the tongue-lashing..

"Please…I can explain-"

"Oho, I'd like to see you just try and do _that_!" Herriman scoffed, folding his arms. "It's no use, to repeat myself I saw the whole thing quite clearly! Just as when Miss Frances is returning after a pleasant evening to herself, you have to dash out like a lunatic and frighten off her suitor in such a manner I still don't understand how you pulled it off!" he roared. "Well, what is it? What did you say? What on earth could you say to scare that poor young man half to death?"

"I…"I…"

"I see." The aged rabbit said sternly, narrowing his eyes. "Tough enough to scare the wits out of Miss Frances's courtiers, but not enough to stand up to some plain, old-fashioned discipline, aren't you? Well?"

"Mr. Herriman!" Frankie cried, appalled by the lack of mercy the authoritarian imaginary friend was showing. "Look, I know it looks bad, but if you'd just let me-"

"Hmm? Oh yes, excellent suggestion, Miss Frances!" Mr. Herriman said with a furious nod. "You must be simply crushed by the flagrant misbehaving that took place in front of your own eyes!"

"Wait, what? No! I-"

"Who better than to properly discipline our troublemaker properly than the victim herself? Of course, your legal guardianship oh the child should also provide you with more than the sufficient amount of clout you'll be needing to take care of our ruffian." Mr. Herriman announced resolutely. Both Mac and Frankie just starred at him blankly in utter befuddlement.

"Wait, _what_?" Mac cried confusedly.

"Hey, if you'd just give me a few moments-" Frankie desperately tried to protest.

"Oh, I think you'll be needing more than a few moments if you're to teach a proper lesson to this scoundrel!" Mr. Herriman huffed, shooting another austere look at Mac.

"Hold on, I just-"

"Miss Frances, as Master Mac is _your_ charge, I order that you discipline the boy immediately for what he has done!" came the firm reply.

At this strict order, Frankie and Mac immediately looked to one another, both their faces marked by the mystification of what they were to do now. However, only after a few moments of uncertainty, an idea suddenly popped into Frankie's mind.

"Oh…oh! Oh yeah, right Mr. H!" she nodded furiously to her boss before narrowing her eyes as she glanced back to the Mac, glaring at him as sternly as she could.

"You are in _soooo_ much trouble, mister!" she growled, wagging a finger at him.

"Frankie wait, I just-" Mac tried to defend himself but his plea was lost upon the austere-looking redhead. Frankie just shook her head resolutely.

"Oh no you don't! Mac, how could you do such a thing to your own big sister?" Frankie demanded angrily.

"I just-"

"Such awful, awful things!" the girl continued, seemingly appalled. "I thought Nick was going to have a heart attack! Where on earth did you learn such nasty words? Certainly not in this house, I hope!" she cried, placing her hands at her hips and shooting the boy an even harsher glare.

"Aw, c'mon!" Mac whined. "Frankie, I was-"

Before he could get much further, Frankie squatted down to his level and grabbed him by the shoulders so that the pair was eye to eye.

"No excuses!" she snarled. "Mac, I simply just can't believe what you did tonight! You've really in for it this time! You are so going to get it? Do you hear me?"

For a moment Mac seemed paralyzed with fright, unsure of how to respond. Fortunately however, just before he felt like he was going to faint, he suddenly spotted the secretive wink the girl passed him.

"I said, did you hear me, Mac Foster?" Frankie asked again, this time with the hint of a sly grin on her face. After staring at her mutely in dumb silence for a moment, it all finally clicked inside his brain, and immediately the boy responded with a wink of his own.

"Oh no!" Mac cried in mock horror, joining her in the act. "Please! Please Frankie, don't! Don't! Anything but that!" he wailed pathetically, making it look as if he was trying squirm free from the girl's hold in a desperate attempt to escape. "Frankie, don't! I'll be good, I promise! I'll do the dishes for a week, I'll wash the bus, I'll clean up the rooms! Please don't punish me! I'll be good, I'll be good!" he insisted frantically.

"Pfft, yeah right!" Frankie scoffed before grabbing him roughly by his shirt collar. With one swift tug she forced the eight-year-old to stumble along with her in a pitiful manner as she dragged him up towards the house.

"No, Frankie, don't! Please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Mac apologized profusely. "Where are you taking me?"

"I'm going inside right this instant to get the keys for Grandma's car." Frankie growled flatly in what she hoped was a convincingly threatening fashion. "When I do, we're going for a little "ride" together, just you and me. And believe me, we're _not_ coming back until we've sorted this all out _properly_. Do you hear me, young man?"

"AUGH! Nononononononono…" the eight-year-old squealed in protest as he was dragged off, lamenting like a convicted prisoner being led off to the gallows. As the pair made their way inside, Mr. Herriman watched them disappear into the house, a look of grim satisfaction adorning the aged disciplinarian's features.

"Excellent! Good that she's finally taking some initiative with the child! I do hope that she gives him exactly what he deserves!"

* * *

"Alright! Chocolate, my favorite!" Mac whooped as Frankie handed him his milkshake. "Thanks Frankie!" he chirped happily as he took the frozen dairy treat into his hands. Smiling warmly, Frankie rustled the boy's hair affectionately as she seated herself next to him. 

"Drink up, pal, you deserve it." She chuckled as she began to slurp down her own vanilla milkshake noisily.

Rather than be driving about in the middle of the lecture of the century, the pair was seated comfortably on the hood of Madame Foster's sleek black mustang, contentedly gulping the treats Frankie had just purchased from the small ice cream shop they were parked nearby.

"Hey Mac, when did we leave the house?" the girl inquired. The child quickly checked his wristwatch in compliance.

"Um, maybe about ten or fifteen minutes ago. Why?"

"We're probably gonna have to stay out at least another twenty if the rabbit's gonna believe that I "punished," you properly, right?" the girl said with a grin. Mac smiled back as he nodded furiously in agreement.

"Heh heh, yeah. Um, Frankie?" the boy asked her apprehensively, his grin quickly disappearing from his face.

"Yeah, Mac?" Frankie replied absentmindedly, gazing up at the night sky. As soon as he had her attention, the boy chuckled nervously as he went on.

"I, uh…well…I kinda wanted to talk about why I…um, y'know, why tonight I kinda…er…I never really got to explain to you why…" he stammered uncontrollably as he tried to account for himself.

At this, Frankie glanced back to Mac, her face full of concern. "Pal? You okay?"

"Well, yeah. It's just that I…I want to…uh, you see, after I called you…I…."

"Oh, right. _That_. We haven't really talked about it yet, have we? You know," she began, narrowing her eyelids, "_I've_ actually been meaning to talk to you about that _too_. Mac Foster…"she began sternly, looking as if she was about to launch into the lecture of a lifetime. As soon as Mac flinched warily under her gaze though, the entire think quickly proved to be a playful ruse as the biggest smile he had even seen swept across the redhead's face.

"…You were _fantastic_ tonight!" she gushed happily, placing her drink aside to throw her arms open wide and wrap the boy in a crushing bear hug. "Oh geez, thank you sooo much Mac! Thank you! Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…" the overjoyed girl praised him ecstatically, causing Mac to blush a little.

"C'mon, it was nothing…" he whispered modestly. "I just wanted to…"

"Oh, no way pal!" Frankie cut him off. "Nothing my butt! Oh my God, this was the nightmare of all dates! I swear, I would've gone absolutely insane if it wasn't for you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"Hey, knock it off! Quit it!" Mac laughed as the young woman showered his cheeks with a salvo of sloppy kisses. "Knock it off, please! Ew, you know I don't like that!"

"Ha! You wish!" Frankie giggled like a schoolgirl as she held on tightly to the squirming child. "Mac, I'm soooo proud of you right now! The way you figured out…and you knew that a lot of guys didn't like that fact that…and you actually had the guts to…oh, I can't thank you enough, pal!"

"Well, you just seemed so upset over the phone…and you said you already told him you had a little brother, so I just thought if _that_ didn't work…" Mac replied innocently.

"You thought up "is he going to be my new daddy?"…hee hee! Oh you little devil!" Frankie laughed, nuzzling him affectionately. "Great job, tonight pal! You were _wonderful_! We gotta remember that one for _next_ time. Wait, I mean…"

Frankie frowned slightly as she immediately loosened her hold on him. "That is, only if it's okay with you, pal, just in case this is gonna happen again. I mean, not like I'm probably gonna be meeting a guy like _that_ again anytime soon, but…y'know, just in case…" she trailed off, glancing worriedly at the small child.

Rather than protest loudly or even glare at her in disgust, Mac just grinned warmly. "Just give me a call, and I'll be ready."

"Aw, thanks pal." Frankie laughed as she put him into a tighter loving squeeze. "You're the best, you know that?"

"Frankie…c'mon…" Mac replied as his blushed only darkened in shade, but her nevertheless tried returned her hug with a bashful smile. "Just tryin' to help out my big sister…"

"Aw, you." Frankie cooed as she gave him another gentle nuzzle. A few seconds later, however, Frankie swiftly withdrew her hold as she began to babble excitedly to the young boy.

"Okay, so what's the plan for _next _time? We got the basic structure set up, but it kinda needs somethin' to back it up, you know? I was _such_ dead weight out there tonight." She gushed enthusiastically as if she as talking about performing in a Broadway play. "I gotta say somethin' too, just to make it more realistic y'know."

"Frankie, I don't think we need to-" Mac unsuccessfully tried to protest.

"I got it!" the girl cried, snapping her fingers excitedly. "Okay, so we get home, you come running out, do your whole bit, and then I'll say this; there I was, a naïve young fourteen-year-old in my freshman year of high school. It was the night of the Homecoming Dance, and…" she began to falsely reminisce in a humorously dreamy fashion.

"Ewwww!" Mac grimaced in repugnance, sticking out his tongue. "Gross! Oh, sick Frankie! Yuck!"

"Aw c'mon, there's nothing wrong with a little elaboration…" Frankie joked with a hint of a sinister grin, nudging him playfully.

"No way, no way!" Mac refused, shaking his head wildly. "That is taking it _way_ too far! Oh, gross! No way we're going to start using any of _that_! Ewww!"

As the eight-year-old cringed in disgust, Frankie tossed back her head and laughed uproariously at his reaction before giving him a reassuring pat on the head.

"Okay, okay pal. You win." She giggled. "If we're even forced to go through _tongiht_ again, we'll just stick to the basics, 'k? I promise."

"Thank you." Mac sighed as he turned his attention back to his milkshake. However, as soon as he took a sip, a mischievous smile suddenly plastered itself to Frankie's face as she whispered slyly,

"But then again though, we _can_ get a pretty juicy story out of this." She said with a fiendish chuckle. "How old is Bloo, again? Five, right? Hey, maybe we can spice it up next time by giving you a _baby brother_…or a _twin_…"

Her timing had the desired effect. The moment she spoke the utterly unthinkable, Mac immediately snorted uncontrollably as soon as the absolutely ludicrous idea entered his mind, the shock taking him off guard and forcing his last sip of milkshake to go the wrong way in his system.

"EWWWWWW!" he squealed unhappily. "No way! No, no, no, no! If you even think that I'm gonna-oh! _Oh_! GROSS!" Mac whined as he clamped a hand over his face. "Yuck! I think some of it just came out of my nose! Ew! Ew!"

Shaking uncontrollably with mirth at the ridiculous sight, Frankie jokingly sighed in mock exasperation as she reached for some spare napkins nearby.

"Oh Mac," She laughed. "I guess a mother's work is never-"

"FRAAAANKIEEEEE!"

**The End**

* * *

Okay, there you go! What'd everyone think? C'mon, be honest!

Yeah, I know the whole thing seems kinda random, but like I said before, I have a_ lot_ of fun writing thesekooky typesof one-shots.

I'm not too sure what I'm gonna do now. I'm not sure whether if I'm going to do more one-shots, or try my hand at another multi-chapter story (although what that's gonna be about, I have no idea yet). Also, at the same time I'm deciding whether I'm gonna stick to my own little Foster's universe here, or try and write a fic outside of my self-created realm. Only time will tell, I guess!

Thanks so much, everyone! Please Review!

-Dude13


	3. Absolutely Inappropriate

An absolutely insane idea that I came up with a few days ago…

Read if you dare…

The title says it all.

* * *

**_Absolutely Inappropriate_**

_(A little piece of insanity written by Dude13)_

Frankie yawned loudly as she struggled to focus on her reading. However, the atmosphere in which she had chosen to situate herself had proved to be quite difficult to keep herself awake in. A strong flame was blazing close by in the fireplace, bathing her in its warmth and flickering orange light, and the particular couch she had chosen to sprawl her body out upon had also shown itself to be unnaturally comfy and soft. Also, the Foster's library was almost dead silent except for the crackles and snaps of the fire, mixing in with the soft, pattering of snow against the windows in a soothing melody. The young woman struggled in vain to try and get through one chapter, but it felt like every time she tried, the words would begin to blur as her eyelids began to droop heavily. She could barely help herself, everything there just made Frankie want to place her book aside, rest her head on a nearby couch cushion, close her eyes, and-

The sounds of soft whimpering and the feeling of something warm squirming a bit against her body suddenly interrupted her thoughts. Peering over her book, Frankie couldn't help but smile warmly at the sight before her. By the way the small, brown-haired child lay sprawled out on top of her stomach, eyes tightly shut and jaw hanging limply in a dead sleep, it was obvious that the room's cozy atmosphere was harder for some to resist than others. Trying to unsuccessfully stifle a laugh, Frankie gently prodded the peacefully dozing boy.

"C'mon, Mac, wakey wakey." She giggled as she gave him a delicate shake. "Up and at 'em, kiddo."

After a few moments of this treatment, Mac finally responded to her gentle attempts at awakening him, lazily opening one bleary eye with a sleepy whine.

"Mmphf? Wha…?" he grumbled as he came around. Frankie laughed as she ruffled his hair affectionately.

"That's my belly, pal. I believe you want your bed, which I believe is a couple floors up." Frankie teased him with a chuckle.

"Huh?" a very disoriented Mac grunted in reply, now staring at her stupidly through half-opened eyeballs. "What are you…uh…"

"I think it's beddy-bye time for a certain little guy." His "big sister" joked placing her book aside.

"No…not sleepy…" Mac protested weakly in response as he made a feeble attempt to show he wasn't ready for bed by trying to get up. Unfortunately, this weak strain of effort just resulted in the boy rolling off her stomach and into the couch cushions with a weary moan.

"Just let me…hold on, I…" he grumbled sleepily as he squirmed about, practically helpless in his fatigue.

"That's it, its _so _definitely bedtime, bucko." Frankie snorted in laughter as she carefully gathered him up into her arms.

"Wait…wait…" Mac continued to whine in protest as he hung limply in the young woman's embrace. "Can't I…just a little…"

"Shhh." Frankie hushed comfortingly as she gave him a gentle nuzzle. "It's okay, I'm feelin' a little sleepy too. C'mon, I'll carry you."

"Oh…ok." Mac whispered, halting his futile attempts to escape and immediately snuggling into her warm hold. Still giggling happily at the heartwarming sight, Frankie gently lifted herself from the old couch and began to make her way in the direction of the nearest staircase, cradling her "little brother" gently in her arms.

"Oh, hey guys! Whatcha doing?" Bloo piped up loudly as he unexpectedly skidded in from the doorway, a surprise entrance that caused the redhead to jump a little in shock.

"EEEK!" Frankie gave a little shriek, right before she shot the little blue imaginary friend a nasty glare. "Don't _do_ that!" she scolded irritably.

"What? What'd I do?" Bloo immediately replied indignantly, throwing up his arms in protest.

Rather than respond, Frankie just lowered her head and sighed in exasperation, while Mac managed to give his best friend a weak little wave.

"Hey, Bloo." He whispered with a wan smile.

"Hey, bud!" Bloo yelled enthusiastically. "Whatcha guys doing?"

As Mac quickly clamped his hands tightly over his ears, Frankie instinctively hugged the child closer as she intensified her stern gaze.

"Will you stoppit? You don't need to yell, we're just going to bed together, that's all!" the girl snapped in annoyance. "I swear, will you please just-"

"Oh, _gross_!" Bloo squealed in utter disgust. As the little imaginary friend stuck out his tongue in utter repugnance, Frankie cut herself off in mid-scold while she cocked her head in confusion.

"Wait, what?" she asked bewilderedly. "Bloo, what are you-"

"You guys are sick!" Bloo denounced them fiercely, jabbing his stubby arm accusingly at the pair. "Sick, sick, sick!"

"Huh?" Mac mumbled as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. "Bloo, what's wrong? Frankie just said we're going to bed so-"

"Ewwww!" his imaginary friend just groaned in abhorrence, throwing up his hands and placing them tightly against the sides of his head. "Stop! Stop! No more, please! I don't wanna hear any more!" he pleaded desperately.

The boy and girl were both clearly confused at this point. While Bloo stumbled about in a circle, moaning sickly in disgust, the siblings stared dumbly at each other for a few moments, then back to the whining imaginary friend.

"Bloo, what on earth is going on?" Frankie demanded.

"No, c'mon! No fair!" Bloo just protested unhappily. "Stoppit, please! Just let me goin peace!"

"C'mon, can you just tell us?" Mac pleaded. "If you could just tell us what's so wrong about-"

"HEY!" Bloo protested bitterly. "Look, look, I'll be honest, I really don't mind it, but will you please just spare me the details of your love life? Sheesh!" he sighed in exasperation.

_THUMP!_

"OW!" Mac cried as Frankie's arms flopped down limply at her sides, causing him to plummet instantaneously to the floor. As the boy rubbed his sore bottom ruefully, the girl just continued to stare blankly at the imaginary friend, eyes practically bulging out of her sockets and mouth hanging agape in total disbelief at the words she just heard.

"Wait…_WHAT_?" she cried incredulously, throwing up her hands in the air.

"_Love life_?" Mac gasped in shock. "Bloo, _WHAT_ are you talking about?"

Bloo just gazed back calmly at the pair of dumb stares. "Hey, c'mon, it's okay! Look, I said it before, I don't mind it that you guys are going out, but if you would just not tell me about your plans for tonight, I'd really appreciate-"

"Hold on, hold on!" Frankie snapped as she furiously tried to comprehend what was going on. "Just what are you…what did you mean by when we said that…we…oh…OH!" she squealed in disgust as it finally dawned on her, her already bulging eyeballs practically doubling in size in her shock.

"You didn't mean that…you don't mean that we were going to bed together to…to…" Mac sputtered uncontrollably in total confusion.

Bloo just shrugged his shoulders. "Hey guys, keep the love behind closed doors, that's all."

The room went dead quiet as the imaginary friend's creator and caretaker stared at him blankly in a mixture of shock and total disgust. Final, after a few minutes of deafening silence…

"Bloo…THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Frankie shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"EW! EW! EW!" Mac whined as he began to brush himself off wildly, as if this slapdash cleaning job would purge his mind of what he just heard. "Dirty, dirty, dirty! Yuck!"

"Hey, c'mon, don't try and hide it!" Bloo protested.

"Bloo, what on earth makes you think Mac and I are _lovers_?" Frankie screamed.

"Pfft, oh right!" Bloo scoffed, waving his arm to encompass the entire room. "Like _this_ isn't enough right here to prove it? Warm fire? All alone, snuggled up on the couch? C'mon, you guys were soooo setting the mood for tonight!" he explained matter-of-factly.

"I think I'm gonna be sick…" Mac moaned as the color drained from his face. While the child held on to Frankie's leg for support in a sickly fashion, the redhead rubbed her temples furiously in a feeble attempt to clear her mind.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God…wait, wait, you think that we're…that we're actually…"

"Look, I really don't see what's the big deal about this!" Bloo complained. "Isn't it totally obvious? I see you guys cuddled up everywhere, you hug every Mac comes home from school, you always kiss him once or twice a day-"

"Yeah, on his _cheek_!" Frankie rebutted him fiercely with a growl. "Never on the lips! Oh, dear God Bloo! There's a difference between loving him as a little brother and loving him as a…as a…for Pete's sake, what the heck is the matter with you?"

"Not on the cheek, eh? Huh, you probably do that when everyone's asleep while you're…" Bloo began to mutter ruefully under his breath.

"_Excuse_ me?" Frankie snarled angrily.

"Look guys, well you two just knock it off?" Bloo yelled exasperatedly.

"_Us _knock it off?" Mac replied incredulously, throwing up his arms in mock hysterics. "Hey, you're the one who's-"

"Guys, will you _please_ just put a sock in it?" the little imaginary friend beseeched. "You don't have to lie to me like this! I said it like fifty times before and I'll say it once again, I don't care that you guys are in love!"

Again he was met with a pair of blank stares.

"Bloo…Mac's eight…I'm twenty-two." Frankie stated flatly.

"Oh yeah, like _that's_ gonna work on me." Bloo laughed. "Trying to emphasize a couple years just to try and throw me off? C'mon guys, that's just pathetic."

"Bloo…I'm _eight_…Frankie is _twenty two_." Mac joined in, putting more emphasis on their specified ages.

"So? You got a couple years between you two, true love is never-"

"_Fourteen_ years, Bloo." Frankie announced resolutely.

"Four, fourteen, what's the difference? Guys, I really don't care! All I said was that I would like it if you two didn't-"

"She's almost _three times_ my age, Bloo." Mac stated bluntly as he pointed at the young woman standing beside him.

"Yeah, and you're three years older than me, but do I make a big deal out of it?" Bloo asked innocently.

"Bloo, you're talking about _pedophilia_!" Frankie screamed as she stomped her feet furiously.

"No, no it's just that!" Mac interrupted frantically, tugging fiercely at her skirt. "You're my big sister! Remember?"

Frankie's jaw dropped as she met his panicked gaze. "Oh, crap! And you're my little brother! Oh God, it's _incest_ too! Oh, in the name of all that is holy…"

"Hey, whoa there, pal!" Bloo laughed as he watched Mac continue to tug upon Frankie's skirt. "Geez Mac, can't you wait until you two get upstairs?"

"BLOORAGUARD Q. KAZOO, THAT IS AWFUL!" Frankie screeched as loudly as she could, as if volume would be enough to silence the little azure blob.

"Geez, well sorry for just stating the blatantly obvious about you two!" Bloo sneered sarcastically as he placed his hands on his hips.

"BLOO, I'M FRANKIE'S LITTLE BROTHER, NOT HER BOYFRIEND!" Mac yelled in frustration.

Despite that their screams were practically loud enough to rip the entire mansion from its foundations, Bloo still reminded completely undeterred. Instead, he just stared calmly at the two as he was pummeled with a barrage of outraged yells and enraged shrieks.

"Yeah, yeah, keeping saying it, I'm soooo not buying any of this…"

"BLOO, IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR LITTLE TRAP RIGHT THIS INSTANT…" Frankie roared as she jabbed her finger threateningly at him.

"More than my friend." Bloo suddenly announced with a smirk.

"I WILL STRING YOU UP BY…YOUR…uh…"

Frankie let her arm flop limply at her side as her death threat trailed off. "Wait…what…" she asked in complete befuddlement.

"Ha! Gotcha now!" the little imaginary friend whooped triumphantly.

"What are you…" Mac mumbled, scratching his head in confusion.

"Just how I found the truth, buddy, just how I found out about the truth." Bloo replied with a smug smirk.

"Bloo, will you please just-" Frankie tried to inquire again.

"Oh, as if _you _don't know?" Bloo grinned. "Give it up, it's over now."

"Bloo, will you please just-"

"Don't you remember?" Bloo asked casually. "It was after you made Mac your "little brother"," Bloo emphasized with a wink, "But before he began to live with us at Foster's?"

"I still don't-"

"Oh, don't play dumb!" the imaginary friend laughed. "Remember? You said it, like, _every_ time you had a friend over or you were talking to someone on the phone."

"Wait…wait…hold on a sec…" Frankie murmured as she struggled to remember.

"Frankie? What's Bloo talking about?" Mac asked bewilderedly.

"Oh, come on! Do I have to remind you about _everything_?" Bloo sighed wearily. "I can't believe you don't remember! You know, whenever anyone was all like "who's that?" or if they were like "hey, what's the deal with that kid, are you two friends or something?" and you would all be like, "no way, he's _more than my friend_." Remember?" Bloo asked innocently.

Again a deafening silence filled the room. After a few moments of this however, Mac jerked his head in the direction of the girl next to him and looked into her eyes beseechingly, the color completely drained from his face in dumb shock.

"F-Frankie…y-y-you said th-that…that w-we were…that I w-was…"

Frankie turned to stare pleadingly into his gaze. "Oh pal, no! No! Oh God, no!"

"Ewwwww!" Mac cried, sticking out his tongue. "Gross! Frankie, you actually said that I was-"

"Yes, I said that, but I always added _afterwards_ you were my little brother! My little brother! I would say "he's more than my friend, he's like a little brother!" That's what I meant, I swear!" the girl tried to explain frantically. "Oh please, you know I didn't mean it to sound like-"

"Yuck, "little brother?" I swear, you guys have the weirdest pet names for each other." Bloo casually mused to himself.

"Frankie, that sounds like we're in _love_! Oh, gross! Gross!" Mac whined, backing a few steps away from her. "Oh geez, why did you have to put it like _that_? Why, Frankie, _why_?" the child implored miserably.

"Oh please, pal, don't!" Frankie begged, dropping to her knees and throwing out her arms. "Please! C'mere, it's gonna be okay, it's-"

"AUGH!" Mac squealed as he scuttled further away. "No way! Don't touch me! Ew! Ew!"

"Mac, c'mon!" Frankie whined. It'll be alright, I promise! I just-"

"Looks like someone's not getting any action tonight." Bloo observed out loud to himself as he turned around and casually left the room, as if the recent outrageous series of events never happened at all.

"NOOOOOO!" Mac emitted a shrill, heartbreaking wail, moments before he tore out of the room like a bat out of hell, waving his arms wildly and screaming to the high heavens.

"AAAAA! It's not right! It's not right! It's just not riiiiiiiiight!" the boy yelled as he made a mad dash in the direction of his room, and thus to refuge.

"No, Mac! No! Pal, please! Come back! No! Please! I didn't mean it like that! I didn't mean it like that!"

Frankie desperately tried to yell out consolingly, but it was of little use. Within a matter of seconds the child had fled up the main staircase at breakneck speed and out of sight, leaving nothing behind but the reverberations. Rather than even make the feeble attempt to chase after the badly frazzled eight-year-old, Frankie just dejectedly sank to the floor with a weary groan.

"Oh God…" she moaned exasperatedly to herself. "I knew it sounded weird when I put it like that…oh geez, I-"

"Ahem!"

The gruff sound of someone clearing their throat suddenly interrupted her thoughts, effectively grabbing hold of her attention. Frankie looked up from her spot at the floor to meet the gaze of the large, finely attired rabbit who had just entered the room, most likely after hearing the commotion from the hallway. For a few seconds, Mr. Herriman and the girl just stared at each other blankly for a few seconds before the imaginary friend broke the silence.

"More than your friend, Miss Frances?" he asked politely with a hint of a smirk.

"Oh, shut up."

**The End **

* * *

Oh man…I don't know whether I should up the fic's rating or not now…hey, don't say I didn't warn you! Sorry, I couldn't help myself! I got this totally nutty idea a few days okay and well…here you go! Quite possibly the raunchiest, most absurd thing I've ever written in my entire life.

As many of you can guess, this was written entirely as a satire of the Frankie/ Mac romantic pairing, quite possibly the only romantic couple that I don't really support. Personally, I'm just fine with a little fluff going on between them (says the guy who can't saturate his stories enough with that) or with any stories in which Mac has a little crush on her (as in _Frankie My Dear, _one of my favorite episodes). I'm perfectly all right with all that. But I'll be honest, as far as I'm concerned, as soon as I'm reading anything where they're explicitly making out with each other…I'm going to say something's gone horribly, _horribly_ wrong. It's just…well, weird.

I also used this to take what I think was a much-deserved swing at myself. As many of you may have noticed, in the end I used the same line that was the title for my first story, "More Than My Friend." Like Frankie said, I meant it in the way meaning that Frankie and Mac are more like friends in my stories, they're like family. Unfortunately, the title clearly makes it sound like my story's a Frankie/Mac romance fic, which as I have just demonstrated, I think they're kind of…yuck.

Weird? Yeah. Gross? Very much so. A bit too explicit? Probably. Totally inappropriate? Ha, that was the entire point!

Just a little nuttiness from the depths of my mind! Don't worry, I'm probably not going to be dabbling again in this stuff again…anytime soon (insert maniacal laugh here)

Tell me what you think! Please review!

-Dude13


	4. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Wasn't sure whether to post this as a seperate one-shot at first, but then I decided it fit in with the theme of the others (except "Absolutely Inappropriate" - don't ask me why I posted it with the others, I honestly don't have a clue).

As usual, all feedback is appraciated!

* * *

"Uh oh…"

Mac whimpered as soon as he heard the screech of brakes. Without a second thought, the child bolted out of the TV room, scampered into the foyer and rocketed out the front door. Much to his dismay, his worst fears were confirmed as soon as he spotted the jet-black Ferrari parked in the driveway. Immediately he picked up the pace and made a beeline for the familiar redhead, currently clad in her favorite strapless black dress and having a bit of difficulty hastily climbing out of the driver's seat.

"You're back from your date _already_?" he yelped incredulously as he raced over. "Frankie, what happened-"

The instant she spotted the little boy, the solace-starved Frances "Frankie" Foster plummeted to her knees and wrapped him up in a tight hug the moment he was close enough. The second they made contact, Mac could easily feel her slender arms trembling noticeably as she held him close, and immediately he responded with a firm, reassuring embrace of his own.

"It's okay…" Mac automatically began to sputter a few clichéd reassurances, as her entire body seemed to quake a little. "It's all right, just one bad night…Frankie, you'll be fine…"

While she squeezed him tightly, the clearly shaken young woman simply stared off unblinkingly into empty space, and resembled a shell-shocked soldier with her haggard thousand-yard stare. As Mac struggled to comfort her, she wordlessly held her deeply concerned charge for a minute or two before whispering hoarsely,

"M-Mac?"

"Yeah?" he murmured.

"For future reference; internet dating sites are the devil." She hissed venomously, forcing the boy to involuntarily wince.

"Oh _no_…" Mac groaned as he glanced up into her eyes. "You mean…was Pat really _that_ bad?"

Suddenly, she abruptly withdrew her hold, got into a clumsy sitting position, and rested her head against the car with a piteous groan, much to Mac's severe alarm.

"Huh? Wait, what's wrong?" the boy started to yelp worriedly. "What'd I say? What happened, what did he-"

"_She_." Frankie flatly corrected.

"….Huh?" The stunned Mac grunted in disbelief as he prayed desperately he had merely heard her wrong. "Don't you mean-"

"When you tell someone they're going on a date with someone named Frankie…they _don't_ necessarily ask if it can possibly be a _girl's_ nickname…" she confessed.

For a few horrendously awkward moments, the slack-jawed Mac couldn't help but stare incredulously at her in dumb shock, and for a good minute they were so silent the only sound that could be heard was the light chirp of a cricket nearby.

"Oh… _no_…." he finally squeaked hoarsely.

"Pal…did you know that Pat can be short for _Patricia_?" she asked softly. Instantly Mac went as frozen as a statue in his intense shock.

"N-n…n-n-n…n-no…." he managed to whisper while his eyes almost bugged complete out of his skull. Frankie gawked blankly into nothingness before burying her face in her knees with a heartbroken wail.

"That makes _two_ of us!" she cried as she hugged her legs and began to rock back and forth a little like a trauma victim.

"_How_?" the child cried. "How did-"

"Neither one asked!" Frankie confessed unhappily. "We just assumed!"

"How do you just assume?" Mac protested. "How do you set up a date online and not know if-"

"Mac, don't rub it in! You think I like knowing two grown woman totally dropped the ball here tonight? Do you?"

At this point however, this child wasn't absolutely dumbstruck by what he had been told, Mac couldn't help but stand rooted where he stood, slack-jawed and paralyzed in mind-blowing astonishment. As soon as the distraught young woman began to moan miserably though, he managed to shake it off as he scuttled to her side.

"Oh wait, don't!" he begged as he patted her shoulder. "Frankie, c'mon, it'll be-"

The distinct shrill ring of a cell phone abruptly shattered the ridiculously depressing moment. Instinctively Frankie clumsily removed her purse, fished about, and answered the call with a barely audible whisper.

"H-hello?" she croaked huskily.

Needless to say, the poor eight-year-old at her side didn't know what to think when a humongous toothy grin swept across her face from ear to ear, as if she had never been close to bursting out sobbing just a minute before. There was no mistake; her genuine smile expressed nothing but the most profound glee as she began babbling ecstatically.

"Oh, hi Patty!" Frankie squealed as the dumbstruck Mac stared quietly. "Hmmm? Oh, don't worry, I made it back home just fine! Thank you so much for checking, that's so…hmmm? Uh-huh…uh-huh…hee hee! Yeah, I thought we were goners for a second there too, good thing they had a backdoor…hahaha! Seriously, don't fret…yeah, little shaken, but 'sides that, I'm okay….yeah, I was just talking to the little guy right now…oh, course you can meet him! We're still on for lunch tomorrow, right? Awesome! Just stop by my place at eleven-thirty see, and…Oh wait, you know the address, or do you...what? Haha! Yeah, the house _is_ kinda hard to miss. Okay, talk to you tomorrow! Bye, Patty!"

As the profoundly uplifted young woman deftly put her phone back away, the tremendously puzzled Mac continued to gawk wordlessly as he strove like mad to make an ounce of sense of her abrupt transformation from heartbroken soul to chatty bundle of glee. As the stunned boy practically resembled a small statue, the caretaker finally took note of his pained bewilderment and gasped loudly.

"Oh, pal!" she yelped as she began to stroke his head gently. "What's wrong? Kiddo, you okay? Mac? Why-"

"Was that…w-was that, Pat?" the boy whimpered. The second she pinpointed the root of his shock, the young woman immediately lit up with a brilliant scarlet blush that nearly matched her hair.

"Mac, wait!" she cried. "Wait, wait, hold on, it's _not_ what it looks like! Nuh-uh! It's…um…well, yeah, it was her, see, and…she…well, she just wanted to check up on me after-"

"I...I-I _thought_ the date was a disaster…" Mac stammered, to which Frankie's scarlet glow nearly doubled in intensity.

"Well…yeah, the whole "find a boyfriend tonight" part of the plan completely fell apart…" she agreed in a low murmur. "I was expecting to meet a nice guy whose full name I assumed was Patrick, and Patty… she thought Frankie was… see, she didn't plan on me being-"

"I _know_." he grumbled, not exactly willing to hear the facts of the ludicrously horrible mix-up again.

"Sorry, pal…" she quickly apologized before continuing on with her ridiculous tale. "But…the thing was that…see, although Cupid's Arrow dot com didn't give either of us the _whole_ story about each other, its compatibility test was right on target, and…we actually really hit it off with each other…"

At this point she managed a wan smile as she ruffled the perplexed little boy's hair. "I showed her the picture of you I had on me …trust me, she's real a sweetheart, she's really excited about meeting you-"

"Wait, wait, wait….you actually had a _good_ time tonight?" The painfully bewildered Mac mumbled incredulously.

Frankie shrugged and giggled weakly. "Actually…yeah, a _really_ great time with each other, to be honest, and-"

"But…b-but…but _why_ were you so upset when you got home?" the eight-year-old cried.

"Wait, what?" she inquired calmly, perplexing Mac to no end.

"What do you mean? Are you _joking_? Frankie, you were almost crying just now! Why in the world-"

At this point she began to blush so badly she glowed bright crimson from head to toe as realization dawned upon her.

"Oh…ohhhhhh…" she murmured before struggling to explain. "Oh, no, I see, I see…yeah, I mean, it _was_ kinda a shock with the mix-up and all, and…well, that's no small matter, so I figured you deserved to know what happened right when I got back, but…but that's not why I was shaken up, see, and…"

"Something tells me I don't want to hear this." he whispered hoarsely.

"...Um…thing is, what _really_ had me rattled was that…see, the trouble actually came halfway through dinner when we realized we didn't have enough to pay for the meal."

"Huh?"

"Um…it's custom for the boy to pay on a date…" the thoroughly embarrassed caretaker explained as she fidgeted with a hoop earring. "And…we didn't expect to find out our respective dates weren't…well, male, and-"

"You ran out without paying, _didn't_ you?" Mac inquired with a grimace. Frankie groaned and made a face.

"The manager didn't get his position for nothing, I'll give him that much…he cut us off at the front door, so we had to make a quick exit through the kitchen…that was sort of traumatic to be honest. Patty almost got nailed by a saucepan on the way out…and the head chef kind of…chased us a few blocks…"

Mac gawked at her incredulously like she had four heads.

"Please say 'April Fool's' when you're done." he beseeched unashamedly. Much to his dismay however, she continued in the same unmistakably dead-honest fashion.

"…I think it was only a bread knife he was holding but…yeah, it _was_ pretty scary, actually…wait, was I _that_ upset about the mix-up?" she asked herself and mulled over the answer for a few seconds. "Wait…no, no, _definitely_ the knife-welding cook…

Finished, she patted his shoulder gently. "I'm sorry about earlier, I just got a little confused about what really went wrong and…pal, it's been a _long_ night for me…"

"Oh…uh…n-no problem…" the stunned Mac muttered, as if everything actually made perfect sense now. Frankie flashed another faint grin.

"On the bright side, I made a new friend." She reminded him optimistically with a weak smile.

"Yeah…yeah, I guess…" the still extraordinarily-befuddled child agreed half-heartedly as he sat down on the driveway and leaned up against the car with her. For a few minutes, the duo quietly reflected over the peculiar happenings of that night in a dead silence as Frankie absentmindedly tousled the eight-year-old's hair.

"Frankie?" he finally spoke up meekly.

"Yeah, pal?"

"Why doesn't life make sense?" he inquired unhappily in a low whimper

Frankie shrugged as she wrapped the horribly bemused child in a tight hug. "Don't worry, there's definitely someone for me out there…I just need to stop confusing genders and names, that's all."

"Uh…Okay…" he reluctantly accepted her most peculiar conclusion, and for a few seconds more they lapsed back into awkward silence.

"Mac?" she suddenly asked apprehensively. "You think you could you do me one little favor? Please?"

"Don't worry, I know the drill." Mac assured her calmly with a grin, to which she couldn't help but smile a little in return as she tightened her squeeze.

"Yeah…but still, just to make sure; remember, if someone from someplace called 'The Golden Lotus' calls, as far as he knows, you've _never_ heard of me.."

**The End **


End file.
